After yesterday’s post, a friend gently nudged me to create a painting around the theme of Conscious Awakening. Since intuitive painting is very attractive to me and this is the direction I’m pointing myself towards, I’ve decided that this was a great idea. So this morning, I closed the door of my studio (my son’s room while he is in New Zealand), lighted some incense and a candle and put on music: first – Fire Prayer by Denean and then – Invocation by Sylvia Nakkach. I took a few minutes to move to the sound of the music. Then I sat at my painting table and started painting on a 20″ X 20″. I’m very attracted to square canvases at the moment. The image you see at the top is a picture of this piece after painting for a couple of hours. I came out of this painting session feeling so at peace with myself. I felt the stillness within and that is quite the experience for me since I seem to always be in constant motion internally.
I had an idea about where I thought I was going to take this piece. I sort of, vaguely, had an image in my head of what I was going for and I can assure you that, even though I had planned on some black as part of this painting, I never planned on having so much black. In fact, I have never, never used so much black in my paintings before. I have let this painting guide me and it took me deep into myself.
Here are some of the things that came to me as I painted and as I look at this painting:
- In the beginning, there is pure intent, pure creation. When the sperm reach the ovum, this is the moment of miracle when nothing but perfection exists. Life in its utter magnificence has materialized. Some would call this the Breath of God, Soul Essence, Essential Self, the Soul.
- As time passes this fertilized seed takes its own individualized self, its own unique personality.
- Over time layers and layers of lies and conditioning are built upon this infinitely miraculous creation and the call to slumber gets louder and louder as the layers keep on being added on and the light within becomes dimmer and dimmer.
- Even though the layers might be very thick, there is always a bit of light that seep through.
- This is my story and the story of many. For me, my impulse has always been to reject this experience, to want to make it better, to change myself, to find ways to escape this experience at all cost. This is not who I am! This is not what I’m supposed to be! What is wrong with me???? Can’t I be more disciplined? less a wimp? have self-control? On and on it goes and it seems that the call to slumber just gets louder instead of being softer or even better yet, disappear altogether.
- This painting did not want splashes and rays of bright colours coming out of the centre as I thought I would do when I started painting. It wanted black. black!
- Black – part of who I am, light and shadow. To only want and accept the light is damaging. I am all of it!
- Black – before the light, there is always darkness. Darkness comes with its own unique gifts. The only way to collect these gifts is by sitting in the darkness.
- Black – the comfort and safety of the womb. Darkness is crucial to the birthing process.
- Black – “The wound is the gift.” (Patrick Harbula), The Gift of our Compulsions (Mary O’Malley). Darkness is the gift!
I am very grateful for this experience, for the wealth of information that this painting has given me. I feel nurtured and blessed in a very powerful way through this first stage of this painting. Conscious awakening…